alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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