Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
