When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
