Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
