she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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