She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
