bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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