I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
