if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
