We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
