brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
