I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize