If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
