Don't make out with my wife yet
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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