3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
