she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
