I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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