I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
