I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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