I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
