eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
