Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
