Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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