Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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