Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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