i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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