i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
