Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
