You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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