yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
