he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
