he shaved USA in his pubs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
