just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
