FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
