JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
