I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
