We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
