if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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