If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
