Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
