Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
