3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
farters have to be the big spoon...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
