If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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