is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
