sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
