If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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