So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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