nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
