Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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