I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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