Only a mothe r could love this liver
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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