Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
