I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
