No stitches, just platelets and will power
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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