I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
