We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize