she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
