Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
