the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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