I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
