So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
