the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
