I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
