there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
