i jhust puked up my retainher.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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