It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
