Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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