Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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