Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
