dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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