the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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