my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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