I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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