By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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