Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
