Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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