Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
