ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
