Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
