How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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