I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
