bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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