We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
