Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
