so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
