I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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