guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
