I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
