Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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