You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize