do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
try to milk me bitch
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