Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
