We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
