Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
