I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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