K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
